Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Kim Jong-il, long may you run

Two years in the ground, but always in our hearts. This one goes out to you Kim Jong-il.
Issue best enjoyed with the North Korean National Anthem. Kim Il-sung and Kim Jong-suk enjoyed it while they fucked to create our dearest leader Kim Jong-il, that is a fact.

also Kim Jong-il, I still can't live without you

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Wednesday, October 9, 2013

I read on the internet that...

Ray Ban's created aviators for the U.S. Army Air Corps so that their pilot could shot down Japs without the sun in theirs eyes. Ho Chi Minh was an alien from a planet that looked a lot like Vietnam. Factory raised chickens feel pain. The Soviets were the only one who made it to the moon. U.S. propaganda was so good not even the Russians believed they landed there. The giraffe went extinct 5 years ago. Miles Davis was a robot. God exist in some capacity. Gas station hotdogs are made from wild raccoon anus. Fossil fuels are a renewable resource, trees are not. The pancake is grey. The toilet wont flush. Recycling is a scam. Girls don't poop. No one masturbates, except Mormons. We evolved from lizards, which evolved from butterflies. Everything Freud says is true. Everything the T.V. says is a lie. The world is flat. The soda is flat. The tire is flat. It takes no time to travel to Mars. Light years are a thing of the past. Inhabitants of an island were evacuated due to a beetle infestation. The island was then nuked. Test results were positive. Febreeze actually freshens air like the fall rain. Dinosaurs are not extinct, they just live in the Congo. Earthquakes are man-made. Buying small packages are cheaper than buying in bulk. My dog had surgery and now he's a bitch. Pedigree puts fertilizer in their dog food so when dogs poop in the grass, it helps the grass grow. Grass have feelings too. Babies cannot feel pain, they cry cause they want to. Egg yolks were used in Renaissance paintings. History never happened. Alex Trebek knows the answer to every Jeopardy question ever, especially the questions of the future. Kim jong-il is still alive, he couch surfs at Dennis Rodman's house and eats ham and brie sandwiches. France is a peaceful country. Diplomacy is a fancy word for "shit talking" before a fight. Tristan Tzara is rolling over in his grave. Salvidor Dali paintings are for wannabe artists. "Might makes right" that's from the Greek. Hell isn't so bad, it's just hot. Heaven sucks and God made it that way. The U.S. government creates hurricanes and selling the naming rights to old New England hags. It's still 1955, but it's also 2015. There is no such thing as a soul, if there was one you can find them in the discount bin. Brushing your teeth is bad for you, brush other people's teeth. Swallow fluoride. The fountain of youth is somewhere in Florida. Columbus discovered it, that's all he discovered. Science is the new religion. Religion was always a science. My friends and coworkers are a figment of my imagination. Music is love. Bad music is rough love. Chipmunks never sleep. Santa is real. Santas at shopping malls are just interning for college credit at Santa U. No one has every solved a Rubik's Cube. In case of fire, jump out of the window. Dice have four sides. The Apocalypse will happen yesterday. Small pocketknives are allowed on planes again. Monkeys built a bridge from India to Sri Lanka. Humans built a water bridge connecting the Atlantic to the Pacific. The Earth doesn't exist, only the internet does. I read this on the internet and I want to believe.

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Monday, August 19, 2013

Trying to get myself a college girl

Let me tell you a question, lay one on me slap jack, today I woke up in the adjacent building while the nubile children of the corn yawned, lit incense and greeted the day the way they think the Dali Lama most likely does ( He actually guzzles vodka, and slowly un-corks his shrived old man dick from the cavern of a younger, less important Lama, in even the most depraved days of De Sade- in prison on St. Helen's island- had such a brutal lover existed)they told the sky thanks ( ah, a cluck, a rosary, the sun is beating the land into submission). The invertebrate cowards that sprawl across the post secondary landscape of America with the seeming naive eyes that led to the formation of the MIR, an entire generation of panthers languishing in prison and the callus neo-liberalism of the Clintons. And so, college hasn't changed that much. To take a statement from Chris Marker, you cannot bridge the gap between those that rebel against poverty and those that rebel against wealth. You can't begin to rebel against  anything, however, when you are woefully idiotic.  The entire aesthetic, the very fabric of college relies on a few stoned conversations about the state of society, a vague love of doomsday preppers, an internship at a farm, a summer among wetbacks, and thirty years of slow death and boredom disguised as family. A pretty brunette told me that she wanted to change the world, I laughed and knew that even the inevitable defeat, and the dumb pride it can give us, wouldn't last,you have  to participate in this 100 years war, you must actually know the terror of generational defeat to understand that there is no end, to live at all is to become cancerous. The snake eats its head with its tale, its second head mouthing the magna carta. Later she gave me a poem she wrote.
' Writing is pain, but words are too beautiful   walking on eggshells ( or clouds?)
flying with a broken wing? don’t hit your head on the moon' Our midwest correspondent ( who had been studying the folkways of certain midwest bars and the capacity for destruction that boredom can weave) could not control her laughter. Face wrinkled in something  akin to physical pain, spiritual defeat often takeing on the same characteristics, tried to rip it up. I saved it for archival purposes.  At a party the to of us attended a discussion on acceptance ( of everything) and freedom of speech occurred. I hate niggers and fags! our correspondent screamed, I laughed and agreed that these nubile star glazed rich kids would swallow the poisoned Cleveland river if the price was right. I continued my quest to wake up next to a long legged blond in the dorms ( and getting free cafeteria food) to no avail, waking the next morning with the tip jar shoved hastily into my wallet.

That's jut another day in The Wonderful Life of Not You
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also If you're in the Seattle area, join us for a reading 
7pm Sunday the 15th of September 
at The Denny Way Music School 
(514 E Denny Way Seattle)

Monday, July 15, 2013

Taken from Wikipedia

Jihad, an Islamic term, is a religious duty of Muslims. In Arabic, the word jihād translates as a noun meaning "struggle". Within the context of the classical Islam, particularly the Shiahs beliefs, it refers to struggle against those who do not believe in Islamic God (Allah). However, the word has even wider implications.
Jihad is commonly misunderstood as "Holy War", Jihad means "to struggle in the way of Allah". Jihad appears 41 times in the Quran and frequently in the idiomatic expression "striving in the way of God (al-jihad fi sabil Allah)".
IN, In or in may stand for:
In means inside.
IN is the postal abbreviation for the US state of Indiana.
A is the first letter and vowel in the ISO basic Latin alphabet. It is similar to the Ancient Greek letter alpha, from which it derives.
Sombrero in English refers to a type of wide-brimmed hat in Mexico and the Philippines. It usually has a high pointed crown, an extra-wide brim (broad enough to cast a shadow over the head, neck and shoulders of the wearer, and slightly upturned at the edge), and a chin string to hold it in place. Cowboys generalized the word to mean just about any wide broad-brimmed hat.

also Jihad in a Sombrero
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also If you're in the Seattle area ,

Join us for
De Sade
A Reading

Sunday the 28th of July
at 1019 E Pike street
Seattle, wa
(the alley next to the Cha Cha)
7pm doors
7:30 readings
Stories, Drinks, Circles, and More
also Open Mic
Bring somethings you'd like to read.

Monday, June 3, 2013

The Universe Shows The Way

Got Some Problems?

Existential Angst?

Quarter life crisis?

Don't worry...

Just Read the New NADA

and Remember...

The Universe Shows The Way

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Sunday, April 21, 2013


Hi what can we do for you today?
     Well, my MP3 player is broken.
 Did you buy the protection plan or it?
     I might have… I can’t remember I bought it four years ago.
Four years ago? Then it doesn’t matter it wouldn’t be valid anymore anyways.
     OK, well how much would it cost to have it fixed? I think it’s just the battery.
Let me see it? Wow, this thing is really old. This is like, actually the first model.
     Yeah, I’ve had it for a while. I was hoping someone here could fix it? Maybe your “Geek Support” or  “Genius Clinic” or whatever you call it?
I don’t think we can fix this thing. We don’t have the parts here; the model is completely different. Let me show you the latest version right here. It’s got a voice activated unlocking device and controller for when you’re driving, it can use wireless internet with built-in photo sharing capabilities, and it can hold three times as much as your current one, including video download and photos. Plus you can sync it up with all your other devices. I can help you set it up right here if you’d like.
     I don’t really need a new MP3 player, I just want to get mine fixed. It doesn’t hold a charge anymore I think it’s just the battery.
Listen, if you sign up for the protection plan for just $99 plus tax, you can get a mail in rebate for $150, so it’s actually half the listed price, plus we’ll replace it if it breaks. After a year we’ll upgrade you to the latest model for just $99.
     Could you tell me where I can go get my MP3 player fixed? I really don’t want to buy a new one I just want to fix my old one.
Honestly, there’s nowhere you can get that thing fixed. I’m just being honest with you. Besides its not compatible with most apps now and the USB is completely different. Can you even hook it up to your laptop?
     I don’t have a laptop.
Oh… well how do you even put music on that anyways?
     Well, I had a laptop that I used to upload music, but then it broke, so I’ve just had the same music on it for a while now.
Wow… well don’t worry I am going to set you up. You’re in luck, we have a deal for new customers who buy an MP3 player and laptop together. For just $995.86 plus tax you can get the newest MP3 player with 8 GBs of memory and wireless internet, and the standard 15” laptop. You can upgrade to the performance model for $200 more, which I’d recommend if you’re going to be streaming a lot of videos or have a lot of photos and music and stuff.
     Look, that’s really kind of out of my price range right now. I am mostly just interested in the MP3 player.
I totally understand. We have the latest personal tablet here too, which is a really great option for people on a tighter budget, because it can play music, connect to the internet, stream videos, and it has really excellent new games with better graphics. That is only $465, and you can add the protection plan for $99 plus tax.
     I don’t really need any of those things. Can I ask you a question?
     What happens if I buy the protection plan, and my device gets too old for your Genius Squad to fix?
Well, the protection plan is only valid for two years. Within that two years you get one free upgrade to the newest model. All you have to pay is tax.
     What do you do with all the old stuff? Do you just throw it away?
We have a great recycling program here. You just bring your old device back in and we send it off to be recycled.
    Where does it go?
Honesty, I don’t know. Its just where all our old products go. They recycle it.
     I don’t understand, where does it go?


     Hello? Hello, can I talk with you for a moment. Do you speak English?
Yes. A little.
     How old are you?
I have 11 years.
     You are 11 years old, and what are you doing here?
We’re looking for metal. Copper. In the wires.
     Have you been doing this for long?
I’ve been coming since three years. My brother there has been for four years.
      And what exactly is it you do?
We find the wires and we burn them. We burn the plastics off of the wires to get the copper for money.
     Do you realize that this is very harmful for you health?
(Inquisitive look.)
     It is bad for you. The smells?
Yes. We know, but we don’t care. We get money for the copper.
     Fascinating. Do you mind if we take a picture of you? With the fire and garbage pile behind you?
      Ok. Great. Now maybe we can have one with your friends there? That’s great thank you.
You are reporter?
     I am writing an article for Nada Magazine, in the United States.
You’re American? These all come from the United States.
     This garbage you mean?
Yes, we get this all from United States.
     Really. Can we get one more picture? Oh… shit. The battery on the camera is dying. This thing is such a piece of crap. I keep telling them we need a new camera. This one is ancient.
You can throw it over there if you’d like.

also Nada2 02 - Purge + Splurge

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